I see the changes. 

I feel the winds shifting

I look ahead and I can see the light 

I lift my hand and through my outspread fingers I see the glow in the distance coming closer by the second

 I embrace the power of that beacon

I feel the love and the warmth in the changes I see in the people around me

I have long coffee filled conversations with people I respect and we nod and say “yes that’s the way”

I leave these encounters feeling secure and happy with the knowledge that things are getting better

Then, I open my social media account 

I see jagged, angry slashes as if with a stiletto 

I watch as people I barely know or have loved all my life slide the sharp silver dagger blithely between the ribs of that hope

I see strangers deliberately and systematically annihilate other strangers with their sweaty nicotine stained fingers and glints of satisfaction on their anonymous faces

I sit – fighting tears of frustration – as I watch them steal peoples’ joy

I feel pain behind my eyes as the trolls continue to successfully eradicate peaceful and productive debate. 

I feel the sick in the pit of my stomach as I watch peoples’ angst and pain portrayed for others amusement in memes

I watch and I cry as people whore themselves for a “Like” or a 👍🏻

I don’t pray but I hope

I feel my heart beating in my chest and my pulse race as I observe the slow destruction of grace and kindness

I want so much to believe in the innate goodness of people 

I need desperately to know that this is not the world we are leaving for our children and grandchildren

I close my eyes and I breathe and I tell myself that they just don’t know

I lower my head in my hands and I tell myself that things can change

I lay my head down on my pillow at night and I sigh because I know … I know that things won’t change. Not today

Before I fall asleep I tell myself the same thing. “If I can change one person’s mind today then I have changed the world for the better”

I remind myself to be brave and forthright and weather the storm as best I can. 

As I drift off to sleep I tell myself – no matter the consequences – I must do the right thing. Not for them, but for me 

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