Memories

When I was a young single mom I worked in fast food management. It was a rough life. Too many hours and not enough pay. There were days when I didn’t see my baby awake. I’d drop her off at the sitter’s house asleep and pick her up asleep. For a long time I thought working in restaurants was the only thing I’d be good at. I quit that job on a whim and worked three jobs for a while. Sears, a Credit Union and a restaurant. I still didn’t see my baby much but I was making a living. I was so much happier not working in food service any more.

When Anne-Marie was six years old we moved into our first apartment. Up to then we had lived with family or friends. None of these places was our space. One place I lived my landlord accused me of trying to seduce her husband. Another place I was accused of stealing my own dishes when I began to pack to move. Obviously neither of these things were true. I was tired. Tired of being broke and having to count on other people. Some of whom, despite outward appearances did not have our best interests in mind.

Our first apartment was a real dump. It was literally crumbling around us. It had this old beat up heater that made so much noise and no central air. My sister’s friend’s mom gave us a window AC unit. Anne and I would hang heavy blankets in the doorways and sleep on the floor in the living room to stay cool. We had a card table and folding chairs in the kitchen and a crib mattress as a couch. I bought a used TV from a thrift store and put it on a TV tray. My bed was inherited from my parents. Anne had a full set of bedroom furniture. It was her dads and he left it when we divorced.

We would cook simple inexpert inexpensive meals for dinner. We ate a lot of hot dogs and boxed macaroni and cheese. Pop Tarts for breakfast and lunchtime was usually a sandwich. We would splurge on frozen meals sometimes too. Anne Marie’s favorite then was Salisbury steak. I was not a great cook but we made do. Canned vegetables were a mainstay. She also liked these mushroom gravy beef cutlets I would make.

Our refrigerator was an old squat teal colored monstrosity that the previous tenant had left. It smelled so bad it took me weeks of scrubbing and bleaching before I could actually put anything into it. We kept our cold stuff in a cooler we borrowed then. The place was completely overrun by roaches when we moved in. I would sit up all night on one of those folding chairs in the dark and then turn on the flashlight to kill as many of those fuckers as I could. Boric acid helped and lots of toxic spray clouds. They didn’t seem to be in Anne Marie’s room, mostly in the kitchen. I finally eradicated them. I was exhausted but it was worth it.

The day we moved in the first thing we did after scrubbing the place like maniacs, was set up the beds so we’d have somewhere to sleep. Anne was still attending private school near my dads house then so we would have to get up extra early to get her to school on time. She didn’t start the local public school until the following school year. First grade. Her teachers name was Ms Bains. She was a sweet lady who loved her kids. Not the most gifted educator but she was sweet.

I worked those three jobs for a while to afford the rent on this place plus pay for Annie’s after school care and babysitters. We struggled for years to make ends meet. For years I didn’t have a car. I would walk Anne in her stroller to the sitter and then hoof it to the bus stop for my Sears job. When we moved to this apartment friends gave us a used car so I could get Anne to and from school. we stayed in that apartment for three years.

During that time I lost my job at the credit union. For a while I just worked Sears and the restaurant but looked for a better opportunity. It came as a temp job that landed me a full time gig. In 18 months I went from keying tax proformas in a temp pool to managing a Collection Department. This was the beginning of my second career I was 27 years old then.

When Anne was going into third grade I found an apartment near my new job. Well one of my friends really found it for me. I gave Anne Marie nine days notice before we pulled up stakes and moved again. Not my proudest moment but it was necessary. She was not happy with me. We lived in that apartment until Anne Marie was in middle school then we moved again to an apartment on the other side of the same complex. It was a good move. We were still living paycheck to paycheck but things were easier. I was able to save some money and bought nicer used cars. Anne Marie went to a better school where she got the education she needed. When Anne went away to Mizzou it was the first time I’d ever lived alone. I missed Anne but I loved it. I still do.

I moved out of that apartment to the place where I currently reside in 2016. Things are better. I have money in the bank, a new(ish) car and a nice place to live. Anne Marie is a successful leader in a school in Brooklyn. We aren’t rich by any means but we manage very well.

I have a great job in my chosen field and I’m good at it. Anne Marie lives in an adorable place in Brooklyn where she has lived for years. She has lived in New York since right after she graduated from college. It’s no secret how proud I am if my amazing daughter.

Life has not been easy. I made a lot of bad choices growing up and as an adult as well. I wasn’t always the best parent or example for Anne Marie. I did try to be a good parent but for a lot of years I was lost and immature. I wish I could do it all over again with what I know now. But then I wonder, would Anne have become this self sufficient rock star that she is? No idea.

Thanks for reading this. I’d like to hear your stories if you managed to get all the way through this.